4:34 p.m. - 2011-02-18
Urgent! Need YOUR opinion!! Thanks!!
Title: "So-and-so is in a relationship with so-and-so"
Heyhey! to whoever reads this! You're about to know my business and I need your precious advice, guys. From any and all of you:
My gut is very wise, as it speaks to my tummy and advises me to puke when I get this bad feeling. Which means, "Get it out, get it out!" And I'm, like, "Whatever's causing the bad feeling? You want me to vomit it out of my life? Flush it down the toilet? Or if I don't make it to the bathroom, but happen to get to the nearest trash can, throw it out with Wednesday's garbage?"
So meanwhile, my heart is ever-forgiving, loving, accepting, giving, and saintly. And I listen to it. A lot. Especially when it concerns people I've known for a while or have been deeply involved with. And with age and maturity, with everyone.
Okay, so, here is my struggle:
If someone I am dating/am with/consider my significant other for the past 6 months, is going through the final phase of divorce, how patient should I be about how reluctant he is to "advertise" us...or shall I rephrase it: Shout it from the rooftops?
Here's the LD:
He will not put his status at "In a relationship with: me" ...... I can ALMOST be okay with it, since his divorce isn't final. (Which, y'all, if I thought he was just separated, TRUST ME, I would NOT be in this situation!! Duh, guess I should have asked before I fell for the guy. "Are you divorced yet? Oh, OF COURSE, you are, you're hitting on me!") Which, I really don't care, but I can tell he does care. Granted, he was married for 12 years and has a child with this gal, but...hmmm, makes you wonder. You guessed right: She was the one who initiated the separation. Score!
2nd worst: if he is tagged in a photo with me, he deletes the post from his wall (though not the tag itself). Okay, embarrassing. Really embarrassing that he is in some shape or form, ashamed. I believe it is safe to assume this.
And you guessed right again: he's friends with his ex on our beloved Facebook. Wait, is it score..or strike?
3rd worst: he is yet to introduce me to his parents as his girlfriend. I've met his dad twice, once before we were together, and once a couple of months ago. But I was just...sorta there. Here again, yes, his divorce isn't final, so he's embarrassed, and again, wow, what a crappy situation. Strike 3...then you're out...I think.
The fact is, we ARE in a relationship. Not pretending to be in one. ARE in one. (I swear. He comes over and cooks sometimes. You know, we have sex as much as is humanly possible, and sometimes we hang out or watch a movie. We even hang out with each other's kids! Friends with benefits? Don't even think it, shame!)
But, unfortunately, he IS showing symptoms, if you will, of being ashamed.
So here's the big question:
Should I stick with it till the divorce is final (however long that takes) or....ya know, tell him to leave me alone and go figure it out?
And in the meantime, I can date a guy who isn't ashamed to yell from the rooftop of the lowest standing building (so as to reach as many ears as possible) that he's not only in a relationship with me, but you can tag him all you want in photos of us, because he thinks I'm beautiful and awesome and worth the "embarrassment" and trouble. Right? My gut says...."Um, yeah. Vomit and make room."
Let me know. I'm for real, guys. My heart says, "Everyone deals with this shizer differently."
But my gut's saying, "Barf, lady. Barf."
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