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10:30 a.m. - 2010-10-28
day and night and dream
i was waiting in a 2 hour line in a magic store in a mall to buy nothing, I don't know why, and saw you standing nearby
so i ran up to you and told you
i'm pretending to be a boy,
and you kissed me, we kissed with mouths closed
with real passion and happiness. I saw my dad, and then I saw you skipping away, so happy.
but then, i moved back in with my baby's daddy
and the rain poured and poured
and the roof leaked everywhere
and wore through
and the ceiling disappeared.
i couldn't get a hold of the bumpkin lady landlord, so i let my dogs out, and my dead cat,
and walked to her house.
my baby's daddy told michael jackson to call me,
so he did, to tell me how to raise my child, to be nice and never raise my voice.
then i met the landlord, who was some old geezer movie star and she introduced me to all her movie star geezer friends.
then i saw my real landlord, a nice lawyer guy,
who opened up People magazine and showed me all the last named "Martins'" who work for him and are famous.
and he said, "but be wary, they are all wanted in jail."

and then i woke up to the sound of music and a chair breaking,
and there's nothing more sad than a broken chair that you can't sit in.

and then i went home and found a mockingbird that had flown into the back door and was dying.
i picked her up and she had a seizure and died in my hands.
it was warmer than the concrete and she was comforted by
not dying
completely alone
and i laid her by a bush on the side of the house covered by grass that looked like part of an old nest and i put two purple ivy flowers over her.
it made me think of virginia woolf
and that movie The Hours.
but mostly i'm thinking about Kip and I kissing in the magic store,
and how I got mad at Adam last night for talking to the bumpkin lady at the bar and not me, and telling her "I might show up" (and not "we")

and i'm humbled by the child in me
that was so shy
and got ignored

all the time.


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